☆ Do the tealights on your mantle illuminate that summer feeling? ☆彡

★ 05/03/24
I used to watch a lot of BlackBusterCritic as a kid and wow his TrulySonicHOG video sucked ass. People talk about queer folks getting falsely pedojacketed because of them saying "oh hey just be yourself" and yeah that sucks but... Nobody talks about how neurodivergent folks get it too. A lot of autistic adults get really nasty accusations when they express interest in childish things. For context, TrulySonicHOG was a guy back in the day who was an adult who was interested in Barney the Dinosaur. He'd make fanart and stuff of him, and he very intricately talked about the history behind the show and stuff. Unfortunately, this BlackBusterCritic dude kept trying to insinuate that this guy was a pedophile for his interest. There was no evidence of him doing anything wrong - all he did was say "hey man I like this show for nostalgc reasons" and this fucker went OFF on him. He tried to argue that "oh well, since it's a part of your every day life, it has a sexual adhearence!" ... bro what.

Now keep in mind, this video is fucking ANCIENT. Like, 2011 or something. This predates things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Bluey, so adults enjoying kids shows was stupidly taboo back then. Cringe culture was at its raw height before the word "cringe" was used in the context we know.

There's a LOT of nuance to why an adult indulges in childish things, especially when they're neurodivergent. Maybe they just find it comforting Maybe they're super fascinated with the history behind their interest. Maybe there's just something that strikes a cord. I dunno! Last week I had a mental breakdown because I accidentally fucked myself financially so I went to go watch a PBS Kids cartoon to calm myself down. That doesn't make me a creep, it just means I use cute fluffy shows as a coping mechanism when I'm under a lot of stress. There ain't anything I do that implies it's for any other reason than that.

★ 05/14/24
Maybe I'm just being a meanie cishetphobe again but I'd really love to see more queer and neurodivergent people dive into "lolcows" because I genuinelly think they are just more equipped and capable of compassion and empathy (not neccessarily defending them, don't fucking twist my words assholes) towards them.

Now yes, perhaps the concept of lolcows itself is inherently ableist and you could definately argue that. I'm just more fascinated with what could go wrong with someone and how we could prevent going down a dark path. I don't really give a shit about Christine Chandler's current antics because she's a bad person corrupted by literal decades of harassmentand trolling and lack of a good environment. Her dimensional merge shit isn't funny anymore nor are any of her other "cringy" antics - she shouldn't have been released from prison and she needs intense therapy. I guess I just always cared more about the nuances of things than actually laughing at people.

★ 05/10/24
I had a very nasty PMDD spiral. Gonna work on a regression drawing to help recover. Fuck that one Deuil stan that said I fake my regression btw lmao
★ 05/01/24

If you're interested in the history behind really bad and infamous movies, I highly reccomend giving this a watch.

Sometimes it can be tough to remember that the people making these kinds of things are human beings, and it goes both ways. The director was an absolute pig-headed slob, especially towards women behind the film. This guy had no idea what he was doing and ran his grew ragged. For one thing, no, the original footage did not get stolen - it was just shitcanned because he wanted to switch it to motion capture when 60% of the animation was done.

The treatment of one artist, Mona Weiss, especially grossed me out. She was told to dress less modestly, her concerns kept getting ignored, her hard work got scrapped, and she even had to walk dog with bowel problems while being laughed at for it, all before being laid off.

I knew this film was imcompotent, but Wow.

★ 04/04/24
★ 04/01/24
Watching the art commentary community absolutely crumble on itself is probably not good for my mental health. I was a part of it during the "let's bully random Sonic artists" era and it makes me want to cry because I was such a deplorable person back then and didn't fully get my shit together until a couple of years ago. Back in the day, I was a very mentally unwell teen that refused to get help and I ended up hurting someone I once really care about. What I did haunts me to this day and sometimes I wonder if I'm just beyond redemption since I'm in my mid 20s now and still mentally dwelling on it. I'd NEVER treat anyone the way I did years ago and I break down if I slip up from being agitated.
★ 03/28/24
oh god fucking damn it, after I bought LLLT's album "Stitch," I realized "oh wait I need to get hvit too." - I HAVE TO GET IT THROUGH PROXY SERVICES AUUUUGHHH(it's expensive as balls on Amazon) ... Also hvit isn't posted in full on YouTube unlike Stitch. Guess I'm being the change I wanna be when I get my hands on it.
★ 03/20/24
Considering making a very questionable financial decision (WHY IS IT LISTED AS 279 BUCKS WHEN YOU CAN GET IT FOR A FRACTION OF THAT???)

★ 03/20/24

★ 03/08/24
I honest-to-god have no idea how I'm supposed to respond to "I don't like this, but good art." On one hand, I'm glad my art managed to be good enough for you to not dislike its contents, but also like

★ 03/08/24
Had a Certified Twitter Moment today (made a dipshit take based on emotion got my shit absolutely rocked for it). Think I gotta step back on focus on my prokects, whether that be art or pages here. I'm an impulsive idiot who causes problems because I run my mouth, so I'd rather just put focus on things that don't require me to interact with people. I'm actually thinking of replaying Sonic Adventure 2 and making a Chao Garden shrine where I document raising my Chao. I used to quite the avid Chao Gardener as a kid and I've been missing that. There's still a very strong community, which have also created mods to enhance the experience and I wanna play around with that. Admittedly I was inspired by my friend's Fin Fin page. Check that out BTW it's cool.
★ 03/07/24
I love working on my site but I hate the side-effect of getting artblocked when I finish a page....
★ 02/12/24
Twitter Weaklings: I-I have... guh-gulp, a hyperfixation.. ahhh!! So embarasing that... hoo mama... I can't tell people!!!

Me: Aight. What kind of fixation? Nostalgic commercials? EAS alerts? PSAs? Local Weather Channel forecasts? Foreign VHS distrubutor logos? Ex-Yugoslav music? International Sesame Street co-productions? An obscure cartoon from 2021 based on a children's book from 1964? A bunch of characters from a rhythm game that you've drawn so much to the point where you have a whole website archiving every bit of conten-


Me: wow shit with actual mainstream fandoms, wow you're totally not a fucking pussy

★ 01/13/24
Hi. I'm still around. I could make a very controversial statement about people who hijack nostalgic aesthetics and how i'm able to sniff out who has a genuine appreciation for the vibes and people who are just leeching... but I'm not looking to get murdalized. Uuuhhh also I got a Yuancon Pop'n controller as a late Christmas gift for myself. Been wanting an ASC for a long time now, so being given money + the Yuancons being on stock was liking the planets aligning for me. Currently I'm up to 24s (compared to being up to mid-30s when I was on keyboard), but that's a lot better than how I did when I first touched a cab. I ALMOST bought a SDVX one too since I'm starting to also really like SDVX (got to play it at my local Round1 with an IRL bestie), but I wanna spend the rest of the Christmas money on things like my new Vograce charm idea and a Prince M plushie made by the same team as my Really.
★ 11/21/23
I promise I'll make an actually meaningful site update eventuallyyyyyy. Anyway a couple of days ago I went to Anime NYC and had a fucking BLAST! I bought a bunch of shit for both myself and some close friends for the holidays. Oh, and I got to play some Bemani games on cab, fuck yeah! Of course I played Pop'n, but also tried Sound Voltex and Jubeat - both hella fun!
★ 11/13/23
People treat neurodivergent adults like dogs. The goofy things they do when they're young are oh-so-precious, but once they get to a certain age, it's suddenly okay to ridicule them. We ain't cute anymore so whatever out-of-the-norm thing we do or even when we're just trying to enjoy ourselves, we get called freaks by teenagers.
★ 10/31/23
This is gonna sound batshit insane but... other than the infantilization an the people who use it... I think being alterhuman contributes to why I fucking hate the tbh creature. I do not want to be seen as a cutesy creature with bug eyes and little emotion. What I am is an ethereal guardian angel from a virtual world, flowing with emotion and chaos.
★ 10/26/23
I like the vibe of this photo I took and edited. It's a little display of a small collection of fanmade Sunshine Lovers items. The background is a cute blanket my mom got me when I was really sick with COVID a while back.
★ 10/17/23
God I wish there was a magical third label in the proship-anti war, a label for "hey you can draw the freakiest shit ever but I'm against l0li/p3d0/fer4l/incest" because I don't want to be associated with "antis" that due genuinely heinous things, but I am certainly not "neutral" who draw things that attract the worst kind of people. I have "proship DNI" on my twitter bio because I don't want to attract the kind of people who are into that stuff. I draw a lot of art meant to be the dynamic between a child and their multiple father figures - I don't want creeps who'd twist my innocent art into something else around me... but damn, "anti" is so synonymous with "person that hates every ship ever and will twist minor teasing into abuse" ... no I am very much obsessed with my ships, whether it be funny blacksmith and mentally disabled geisha or Bowie homage and skeleton ;P - I just don't wanna see a dynamic that reflects something really nasty IRL
★ 10/13/23
Some vent art I drew after a dissociative episode
★ 10/7/23
just a couple of things

1. Changed my kin page a bit, changing my secondaries to synpath because I've been coming to terms with things and realized "hmmm I shouldn't use the term for certain characters. I don't hold Bartleby to the same regard as I hold characters like Really or Harriet. I should only use kin for characters I literally can't separate from." I was never KFF, but I was supportive of it... thats been changing. Coming to terms with my own alterhumanity has been changing that. I'm not gonna say you can't do certain things but I do encourage learning the history of alterhumanity before you make your cutesy carrd/rentry about how much you "kin Wally Darling"

Trying to shake off the habit of verbing "kin" - sorry if I slip.

2. I have coined the term Chronic Regression for people who perpetually are in a state of some sort of age regression, whether it be because of trauma or disability. This is because there's predators who unironically reclaim transagw. Well, sometimes it's predators, and sometimes it's unfortunate ignorance. There's people who, due to being disabled or traumatized, feel like their age doesn't align with their mentality. As a mentally disabled adult who needs medium-level support, I get that. Sadly we got monsters saying "oh that means tranage." No, you can't transition to another age. Regardless of your mental state, you need go hold yourself responsible as an adult and not use your mental age as a defining identity. I know Chronosian is a label some people use, but... I'm personally not okay with using it. While a majority of people who use it are good-faith, a lot of people view it as just rebranded transage. Hell, that's what I thought until literally this morning. There is sadly still that association, so I may was well make my own label that doesn't have it. I am still an adult, but I am and always will be behind. That of fucking course doesn't mean I'll fight my age. I use regression to cope and purely cope.

★ 10/1/23
I banged my fucking knee against my bed and now it hurts to stand, I hate it here.
★ 9/30/23
Remember when a bunch of kids on twitter tried to cancel fae pronouns because they thought people were appropiating from celtic mythology/pagans. Like... no we're not. Fae is short for "faerie" - you kids never played Neopets and it shows. Also the fae do not give a shit.
★ 8/17/23
I'm really not happy aboout how people on twitter and tiktok infantilize autism but then treat neurodiveregent adults (especially if they're queer and ESPECIALLY if they're transfem) like shit if they're "cringe' and they're 30...
★ 8/16/23
Sorry I haven't been working on this site much lately, I just got back home from a long vacation and I'm very hyperfocused on art. Anyway, here's a couple of weird dreams I've had in the past few days.

. Fang the Sniper was in an episode of SpongeBob .

. Me and a close friend of mine met LS Mark but it was a Roger Rabbit scenario and Mark was his fucking cartoon sona in a real house
★ 8/10/23

// CW: Marijuana use
Sorry I haven't done anything interesting on my site in a while. I'm currently on vacation in Vermont. It's been a wild time and tomorrow is my last night!
Also I got high as fuck last night. I got edibles in chocolate form and oops I did way too much. Lemme tell yeah, Cocteau Twins songs sound even more amazing while stoned...

★ 7/28/23
"um ackshully there are plenty of proshippers that don't support pedo and incest art"

Then act like that's the case. Don't want your community immediately associated with filth? Purge the filth then. Your apathy is why we hate you. If you're going to let that shit slide in your community, YOU ARE ENDORSING IT. YOU ARE SAYING "YEAH THIS IS FINE."
★ 7/9/23

// CW: Marijuana use
Hiii, I know it's been a while since I've updated my site. I've been busy focusing on my art and I went on vacation to Saratoga Springs (NOT THE FUCKIN' DISNEY THING, THEY ACTUAL HORSE PLACE IN NEW YORK LOL) - it was really fun! Downtown was beautiful! I also went to a nice little lake by the motel I was at and it was AMAZING. If you're ever in the Saratoga area, I highly reccomend taking your swimsuit and going to Moreau Lake State Park! After the lake, I went to SPAC to see Goose. It was my first jam-band experience, and yes, I did some of the wacky tobacky. It was actually in edible form and I learned that even just 10mg are enough to make me as high as a kite, but HOLY SHIT it felt good. Definately wanna try more edibles, especially since now there's a really good shop in my area.

★ 6/28/23

I'm all for nostalgic rainbow OCs, but the current PLUR RAWR XD sparkledog community needs to take a long walk on a short pier. 99% of you fuckers are actual freaks who support some heinous shit.

★ 6/21/23

Holy shit that was an amazing show. Went to MSG for The Cure last night and I had a great time. I was fucking stoked when they played "From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea."

★ 6/19/23

Got inspired to make a personal microblog for rambles and stuff! Uhhh where do I start. Oh, here's a thought I've had. I'm not a fan of the notion that Neocities users shouldn't list their identities/labels and if you do that you're a stinky carrd refugee. I get that DNIs and trigger lists shouldn't be on Neo but uhhhh... sorry, but me being queer and neurodivergent affects pretty much everything for me - I ain't gonna suppress who and what I am on my PERSONAL static site. I am a strong advocate for being as loud and proud as you want. I ain't gonna lick the boots of people who only respect those don't fall in "the norm" if they "don't make it their personality." Let's be real here, if suppression wasn't such an issue in the 90s and 2000s, there would've been more people listing their shit on their sites lmao.

(Note: this isn't applying to anyone uncomfortable with putting that stuff out there to something like a bad living situation - you're fine and I hope you climb outta that)

★ 6/19/23

My mental health has been in the shits lately and I relapsed into some habits I was hoping I annihilated. Oh well, gotta do better. At least I'm going to have an insanely fun night tomorrow - going to NYC to see The Cure at Madison Square Garden (yes, I've heard the horror stories of getting tickets for this tour - my mom was a big enough nut to drive home during her lunch break the moment they became available just to buy them). It's gonna be a good summer of concerts for me. This, then Goose at SPAC (Saratoga Springs) - I got some plans for that one... [holds up gummies], and then back to NYC for First Aid Kit at Radio City Music Hall.

uuUUU on a lighter note, I plan on making a big fat About Me page! I actually might ditch my kins page and merge it into that. It was one of the first pages I coded on Neocities and as pretty as it is, I know I can do better now.

"I have nothing but love
for the places that call me home"

Hiii welcome to the dipshittery zone. This is for more bite-sized rambles that aren't long enough for the journals. This'll be a hodgepodge of rants, silliness, and maybe a photo or a doodle on occassion. I dunno. I was inspired by some other sites that had a smaller blog like this.