The first one I'll mention was probably the first time I realized what having an FP was like and what made me realize "wait shit I have BPD" - We mutually were each others' FPs and lovebombed the shit out of each other, but things ended in flames. They suddenly grew distant from me out of nowhere and I destroyed myself mentally to get the affection they once gave me again. There's a lot more to it than that, but it was a while ago so things are fuzzy. Let's just say we're still not quite fond of each other.

The other one was this summer, and this is was what woke me the fuck up after all these years of self-neglect. I got way too protective of them due to their own struggles and grew a savior complex since I was one of the only people he can really turn to for help due to his homelife. I'd snap at other friends for not being nice enough to him + I was struggling immensely with emotional instability. I'm not going into this, but we were both dealing with something that very negatively affected us and worked together to stomp it out (I'll give you one hint - the last post I made in the miniblog was because of the straw that broke the camel's back ;P). After that, things immediately improved between us. I'm not constantly up on his face, or snapping at people over him, or being generally overbearing regarding him. This is the good ending. He set important boundaries with me because he rightfully wasn't okay with how I acted during my spiral. This is the good ending and it feels great to shake off FP feelings for a genuine friend. I know a lot of people feel like cutting their FPs out of their lives is the best option, and it has helped me before, but we both care the fuck out of each other. We didn't want to give up on each other because we seriously (platonically) love each other. I feel like our friendship has been a lot healthier. Yes, I still help him when he's mentally struggling, but we also do fun things like make AU lore together and stuff. I just started by job, so now I can't always be there for him, but I don't mind that. It's healthy to have that time away from people, even if you love them a lot.

Now keep in mind, this video is fucking ANCIENT. Like, 2011 or something. This predates things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Bluey, so adults enjoying kids shows was stupidly taboo back then. Cringe culture was at its raw height before the word "cringe" was used in the context we know.

There's a LOT of nuance to why an adult indulges in childish things, especially when they're neurodivergent. Maybe they just find it comforting Maybe they're super fascinated with the history behind their interest. Maybe there's just something that strikes a cord. I dunno! Last week I had a mental breakdown because I accidentally fucked myself financially so I went to go watch a PBS Kids cartoon to calm myself down. That doesn't make me a creep, it just means I use cute fluffy shows as a coping mechanism when I'm under a lot of stress. There ain't anything I do that implies it's for any other reason than that.

Now yes, perhaps the concept of lolcows itself is inherently ableist and you could definately argue that. I'm just more fascinated with what could go wrong with someone and how we could prevent going down a dark path. I don't really give a shit about Christine Chandler's current antics because she's a bad person corrupted by literal decades of harassmentand trolling and lack of a good environment. Her dimensional merge shit isn't funny anymore nor are any of her other "cringy" antics - she shouldn't have been released from prison and she needs intense therapy. I guess I just always cared more about the nuances of things than actually laughing at people.

If you're interested in the history behind really bad and infamous movies, I highly reccomend giving this a watch.

Sometimes it can be tough to remember that the people making these kinds of things are human beings, and it goes both ways. The director was an absolute pig-headed slob, especially towards women behind the film. This guy had no idea what he was doing and ran his grew ragged. For one thing, no, the original footage did not get stolen - it was just shitcanned because he wanted to switch it to motion capture when 60% of the animation was done.

The treatment of one artist, Mona Weiss, especially grossed me out. She was told to dress less modestly, her concerns kept getting ignored, her hard work got scrapped, and she even had to walk dog with bowel problems while being laughed at for it, all before being laid off.

I knew this film was imcompotent, but Wow.

Me: Aight. What kind of fixation? Nostalgic commercials? EAS alerts? PSAs? Local Weather Channel forecasts? Foreign VHS distrubutor logos? Ex-Yugoslav music? International Sesame Street co-productions? An obscure cartoon from 2021 based on a children's book from 1964? A bunch of characters from a rhythm game that you've drawn so much to the point where you have a whole website archiving every bit of conten-

Twitter Weaklings: QmQ I'M SO SCAWWWWRD TO ADMIT I LIKE SONIC AND FIGHT NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S AND LEGOS AND STEVEN UNIVERSE AND AND AND UHHH MY LITTLE PONY AND-

Me: wow shit with actual mainstream fandoms, wow you're totally not a fucking pussy

1. Changed my kin page a bit, changing my secondaries to synpath because I've been coming to terms with things and realized "hmmm I shouldn't use the term for certain characters. I don't hold Bartleby to the same regard as I hold characters like Really or Harriet. I should only use kin for characters I literally can't separate from." I was never KFF, but I was supportive of it... thats been changing. Coming to terms with my own alterhumanity has been changing that. I'm not gonna say you can't do certain things but I do encourage learning the history of alterhumanity before you make your cutesy carrd/rentry about how much you "kin Wally Darling"

Trying to shake off the habit of verbing "kin" - sorry if I slip.

2. I have coined the term Chronic Regression for people who perpetually are in a state of some sort of age regression, whether it be because of trauma or disability. This is because there's predators who unironically reclaim transagw. Well, sometimes it's predators, and sometimes it's unfortunate ignorance. There's people who, due to being disabled or traumatized, feel like their age doesn't align with their mentality. As a mentally disabled adult who needs medium-level support, I get that. Sadly we got monsters saying "oh that means tranage." No, you can't transition to another age. Regardless of your mental state, you need go hold yourself responsible as an adult and not use your mental age as a defining identity. I know Chronosian is a label some people use, but... I'm personally not okay with using it. While a majority of people who use it are good-faith, a lot of people view it as just rebranded transage. Hell, that's what I thought until literally this morning. There is sadly still that association, so I may was well make my own label that doesn't have it. I am still an adult, but I am and always will be behind. That of fucking course doesn't mean I'll fight my age. I use regression to cope and purely cope.

// CW: Marijuana use
Sorry I haven't done anything interesting on my site in a while. I'm currently on vacation in Vermont. It's been a wild time and tomorrow is my last night!
Also I got high as fuck last night. I got edibles in chocolate form and oops I did way too much. Lemme tell yeah, Cocteau Twins songs sound even more amazing while stoned...

// CW: Marijuana use
Hiii, I know it's been a while since I've updated my site. I've been busy focusing on my art and I went on vacation to Saratoga Springs (NOT THE FUCKIN' DISNEY THING, THEY ACTUAL HORSE PLACE IN NEW YORK LOL) - it was really fun! Downtown was beautiful! I also went to a nice little lake by the motel I was at and it was AMAZING. If you're ever in the Saratoga area, I highly reccomend taking your swimsuit and going to Moreau Lake State Park! After the lake, I went to SPAC to see Goose. It was my first jam-band experience, and yes, I did some of the wacky tobacky. It was actually in edible form and I learned that even just 10mg are enough to make me as high as a kite, but HOLY SHIT it felt good. Definately wanna try more edibles, especially since now there's a really good shop in my area.

I'm all for nostalgic rainbow OCs, but the current PLUR RAWR XD sparkledog community needs to take a long walk on a short pier. 99% of you fuckers are actual freaks who support some heinous shit.

Holy shit that was an amazing show. Went to MSG for The Cure last night and I had a great time. I was fucking stoked when they played "From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea."

Got inspired to make a personal microblog for rambles and stuff! Uhhh where do I start. Oh, here's a thought I've had. I'm not a fan of the notion that Neocities users shouldn't list their identities/labels and if you do that you're a stinky carrd refugee. I get that DNIs and trigger lists shouldn't be on Neo but uhhhh... sorry, but me being queer and neurodivergent affects pretty much everything for me - I ain't gonna suppress who and what I am on my PERSONAL static site. I am a strong advocate for being as loud and proud as you want. I ain't gonna lick the boots of people who only respect those don't fall in "the norm" if they "don't make it their personality." Let's be real here, if suppression wasn't such an issue in the 90s and 2000s, there would've been more people listing their shit on their sites lmao.

(Note: this isn't applying to anyone uncomfortable with putting that stuff out there to something like a bad living situation - you're fine and I hope you climb outta that)

My mental health has been in the shits lately and I relapsed into some habits I was hoping I annihilated. Oh well, gotta do better. At least I'm going to have an insanely fun night tomorrow - going to NYC to see The Cure at Madison Square Garden (yes, I've heard the horror stories of getting tickets for this tour - my mom was a big enough nut to drive home during her lunch break the moment they became available just to buy them). It's gonna be a good summer of concerts for me. This, then Goose at SPAC (Saratoga Springs) - I got some plans for that one... [holds up gummies], and then back to NYC for First Aid Kit at Radio City Music Hall.

uuUUU on a lighter note, I plan on making a big fat About Me page! I actually might ditch my kins page and merge it into that. It was one of the first pages I coded on Neocities and as pretty as it is, I know I can do better now.